This is the fourth day since my Dad passed away. He's been sick a long time. For years, the Doctors talked about a heart valve problem. Surgery was risky- so much so that it was better to leave the valve problem until such a time as it HAD to be done. Once that time came... Dad was too frail to undergo surgery. Last month, in January, Dad had his long-awaited appointment with a Parkinson's specialist. We had been told about 5 or so years ago, that he had Parkinson's. January 23rd, 2023, we learned that he does not Did not have Parkinson's, but some form of dementia, to be determined. His next appointment was set for the 23rd of this month. It's a moot point now what he did have. I am convinced it was Lewy Body dementia, but we will never know.
Dad's heart began to fail during the past few months. He was starved for bananas all the time. It was the one food- bananas and peanut butter! That my brother Robbie (Dad's primary caregiver) was able to get him to eat. Last Thursday, Dad had a lot of swelling and fluid retention. Second time THIS YEAR that he has retained fluids so terribly that his feet were the size of footballs, and the swelling was going up his legs. He went to the Doctor's office, and lab work was ran. Dad had too much potassium. The diuretics were not working. He was advised to return to the hospital at once. It was late in the day, Kathie opted not to battle dad back to the hospital, they would return in the morning for follow up lab work.
Friday, Dad was noticeably worse. He went in for labs, then headed home. Arriving at home, the phone was ringing. bring him to the ER! Labs are worse, he is in critical condition. Kathie called 911, asked for an ambulance that would specifically take them to the hospital that they needed to go to. The ambulance arrived, and refused to transport dad to the hospital where his Doctors awaited. They would take him to a hospital that was 4 miles closer to dad's house, but in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION!!!. or help my brother load him into the car for my brother to drive him. Since the Doctors awaited him at their preferred hospital, brother had them help load Dad into the car. I was on my way down from NE Oklahoma... brother called to ask me to please hurry. As I got near dad's house (en route to the hospital) He called me again.. stop by the house for forgotten items, but don't linger, come ASAP! He had ER personnel help him unload Dad, and then as he went to park... who should also arrive? The ambulance driver who refused to take Dad to the very hospital that they had requested when they called 911!
I arrived to the hospital moments before Dad was taken to the ICU floor. Once they had Dad in a room, we were permitted in with him. They had a CPAP mask on him... the full faced, triangular mask like you see in movies on fighter pilots! Dad has always had a terrible phobia of having his face covered. He fought, and fought. we told the nurses, He will do better and stop fighting if you just PLEASE take off the mask and use a nose cannula! They fought Dad some more. I was AMAZED at his strength, as he grabbed the nurse's hand that was trying to put the mask back on him. I had to pry his fingers off her hands. He settled a lot after the mask was off, but his O2 numbers were awful. The nurses all said he should be in Critcal care ICU, not the moderate ICU. They called to transfer him to the critical care ICU. They told us they HAD to put him on a ventilator. All of us knew, Dad would never go for a ventilator! The nurses called us into the hallway. "If we do NOT put him on a ventilator... He is going to die. Soon. If we refuse the ventilator... they will remove all the drugs to reduce the potassium, and he will get only comfort care, Morphine for pain. Ativan for anxiety.
Kathie looked to Robbie and I. We all three know Dad's wishes. Kathie said she didn't want to defy his adamant wishes, but if Robbie and I insisted, she would.
What do you do, when you know your loved one has said for years and years, before any dementia set in... DO NOT RESUSCITATE ME. I REFUSE A VENTILATOR! PLEASE LET ME GO!
Robbie and I agreed.
How hard is it when you know you just doomed someone to death? It's hard. Pardon me, it's FUCKING HARD! (I look at that sentence... and cannot make myself delete it. You know I don't use that sort of language. But, there it is)
The nurses turned off the IV of medicine that reduced the potassium. Dad was given morphine. he was given Ativan.
And the wait began.
He had not eaten nor drank, nor pooped or peed... already for many hours. He ripped the catheter off. The bed was not wet. When he seemed very agitated, the nurses came and gave a drug. The 'death rattle' was obscene. They vacuumed his throat, and showed me how. Why was I afraid he would drown in the secretions? He was dying. He HATED the suction. The faces he made, clamping his gums on the vacuum tube, and frowning so hard! They started using a nose suction hose... until one nurse said, this is hurting him. See how he hates it? Let's not do it as often.
Kathie and I, and Robbie stood vigil. Robbie went home to rest, taking Kathie Saturday morning. I stayed. They returned in the afternoon. Later, in the evening, my brother Eric showed up. He had made the 300 mile drive from OK City in 10+ hours. I had been up since 5:30 Friday morning, when we finally persuaded him to leave at 8:45pm Saturday night. I slept in fits, 20 minutes on the chair or floor a couple of times, almost an hour on the daybed. Dad's numbers gradually decreased. Sunday morning, I awaited brothers Robbie and Rick's return. I had basically been awake since Friday morning, with a 375 mile drive and just cat naps . Kathie and I went to their house for a shower and a nap on a bed. I had just fallen asleep when Robbie called. COME QUICKLY! THEY TURNED OFF DAD'S Defibrillator!
I woke Kathie. We dressed and raced towards the hospital. Rick hadn't shown up as promised. Robbie called us again, begging us to hurry... and as we spoke, our dad flatlined. He was pronounced dead at 11:13 AM Sunday, Feb 5, 2023. My brother Robbie, and his beautiful wife, Ruby, were present.
Dad beat the horrible dementia diagnosis. How horrible to know your brain is betraying you. Easier to believe your body has done so,
Memorial Service March 4, at 2;00 PM
Prichett Community Center. 1092 hwy 1404, Big Sandy/ Prichett TX 75755
