Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Mother's Day

I hope that all the mothers I know had a blessed Mother's Day. I am grateful to God that I still have my Mom, as well as a great step-Mom. Both are blessings to me, as is my MIL.
I had talked to all five of the kids who were able to speak with me, by 9:00 am. I had gotten a card from Chris. Wow... hearing from six kids before my first cup of tea!
Still, there is that empty place in my heart. It felt like someone was missing... which there was, but my brain and heart are having trouble reconciling the idea that this is the new reality. No more Bill. So many times in the last couple of months, I have had something to tell him, or ask him, and start to reach for the phone. In shopping, I see something I know he would like... and once had even started to put it in my basket, as his birthday gift, before I remembered.
I think I AM getting 'better'. It will undoubtedly be quite awhile before other people see much improvement.
A book on grief caught my eye at the library last week, so I checked it out and read it. It dealt mainly with losing ones spouse. For grief in general, though, I seem to be taking the right steps to get through it. The book's cover labeled it as 'controversial'... I saw not a thing in it that could POSSIBLY be controversial, unless it was the book urging people to give their grief to God, and its strongly pro-Christian stance.
("Stunned by Grief" by Judy Brizendine)
The book talks about 'journaling'... and even before I saw the book, I had bought a small journal. It still sits in the drawer, waiting for me to get started. There is a lot of writing I have done since Bill's death that could be called 'journaling', but I don't know that I will recopy any of it into the book. Maybe make a printout of it all and put them into the manila envelope I put the cards, memorials, and other mementos of Bill's service into.
Once again, as I worked outside on Mother's day, a black and blue butterfly came and was 'in my face'. I said "Hi!" and Tom asked who I was talking to. I said, "Bill's butterfly". He wanted to know why I called it that, so I told him, "It's black and blue". He laughed.

Well, it's halfway through May already. Time has not been so much flying as tumbling end over end down the hill. I had planned on doing a few things while we were in town today, after this library visit. In getting out of the car, I realized I had left my purse at home... so we won't be doing anything except heading back to the house! Carefully.
Be blessed and thank you for visiting.

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