It's better not to know...

Today, my second born son would have been 34 years old.

Daniel, Bill, and Sam

 He was a bright and funny child. Very laid back. He was originally to be named Billy Joe, but when the official came in to fill out his birth certificate, I thought it needed to be a bit more formal- in case he ever wanted to be a Doctor or something. So his name was William Joseph.
By the time he was three, he had had enough of being called "Billy". Stomping his foot, he would correct people- "NOT Billy! I BILL!"

Bill grew up.
He LOVED babies and small children. He was very smart, graduating with honors.

His favorite baby turned out to be his daughter, Nickole.

 

It seems that Bill was always getting hurt. It was the family joke that if Bill called and said "Guess where I am?", you stood a good chance of being right if you answered "In the Emergency Room?"

Somewhere along the way, Bill became addicted to prescription drugs. He alternately denied being addicted with battling the addiction.

April 29, 1981- March 10, 2012

In the end, the drugs won. He left behind a family that loved him no matter what. A beautiful daughter that won't have Daddy to encourage her and cheer her on as she graduates from school. He won't be there walk her down the aisle when she gets married. He isn't there to call when the computer goes on the fritz, or I need to know how to transfer pictures from a card to a disk.

I can't call him to ask if the wild plums are ready to pick.

 

When you bring home your sweet little newborn, you imagine what they will be like as an adult. You have high hopes and grand aspirations.

You never imagine losing them. If you could know how their life would actually turn out, it would just be too much to handle.

 



Dakota and Bill
My last picture of him.

 

 

I am told that some day, these anniversaries will be easier to get through. I am getting better. I can talk about him without tears much of the time. But special occasions still get to me. Just have to live each day as it is dealt.

Thanks for listening.

Done and Undone....

This week has skated right by me. Here it is Friday afternoon, and I am due at work in a couple of hours.
I don't feel like I accomplished an awful lot this week. I got the Dan  and Sam's summer weight sleeping bags mailed off to them. I failed to get Tommy a birthday card sent off in a timely manner. He turned 25 on Wednesday.
I got the camera card full of photos from Dan and Sam uploaded. (Http://www.graveljourney.shutterfly.com )
The tables are back to collecting the daily detritus of life.
The dishwasher is unloaded.
The clothes are not folded.
My bed is made.
The floors got mopped... a couple of days ago.


I have sent out cards to a few people to try and encourage them through some hard times.


A week ago, a terrible, terrible tragedy came upon our family.
As unfathomable as the incident is, God is still in control. He is a loving and forgiving Father. As all Fathers, there are times of punishment and correction his children must endure- but He doesn't stop loving them, no matter what they have done.
We grieve with those who have loss, We do not rejoice in wrongdoing. But pray for those who now bear the fruit of their actions.
We pray for the family members who have been hurt, who continue to hurt over this tragedy.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for praying.

Weekend Project...

We just returned home from my Dad and Kathie's house in East Texas. We had a family get together to work on their house. We lacked able bodied workers, so Tom and Benjamin bore the brunt of the labor. They did get one end of the house completely sided!
The yellow boards are what was done this weekend, it must still be painted white.

Bill (Bob) manned the scaffold tractor

They were up high!

A wasp challenged Ben for dominance of the scaffold

Ben wins!

 

We all got to visit with sweet grand/ great grandchildren.

 

 

Althea

Dakota

Grace

Kimber

Jasher and Ben

Great Grandpa and Tyrel

We didn't get done, so perhaps we can get a few more able bodied folks to come help and we can try and finish the place up.

Just keep hiking, hiking, hiking...

The boys made it to Hampton, Tennessee a few days ago. Their new tablet is in hand, but wi-fi service is not. I expect they will update their blog tomorrow. (At their request, I am not blogging about where they are at NOW or will be at any given time.)
They have traveled more than 400 miles so far... and will soon be at the 1/4 of the way mark!
We are working on a camera card exchange... They are getting a new camera card, and I will have the one that has been in their camera so far. It was supposed to hold over 400 pictures. When they have come across something they REALLY needed a picture of in the past couple of weeks, they have had to go back and delete pictures to make room. What hard choices!
Thus far, their daily average for us to be meeting them at our planned time has been spot-on.
Sam has told me that as much as he had fallen in love with the Pecos Wilderness and mountains in New Mexico, The Great Smokeys  have become rivals for his affection.
They are meeting many nice people, and many interesting people. Some are both!
It isn't all about putting one foot in front of the other for more than 2100 miles... an occasional day or two off will see them exploring some of the great places they pass through, or near. A few weeks down the road will have them at a point where they can take a train into Washington, D.C., and visit the Smithsonian. That is on their "must do" list. At one point in the trail, if the day is clear, they will actually be able to see the NYC skyline.
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Today is my Aunt Jean's birthday. She is my dad's sister. Aunt Jean has always been a positive influence on my life. When I was flunking out of PE in first grade because I didn't know how to skip... she taught me how! When I was cheating on the sight word flash cards... she busted me and made me learn to read instead of guess. (My Mom was holding the flash cards up, and they were backlit. I could see the picture through the card. I even remember the two I was having trouble with... "feather" and "father".)
Happy Birthday Aunt Jean!
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The great work weekend shindig has been set at my Dad's (Grandpa Bill's) house for the 18&19 of April. That is NEXT weekend. If you can come out and lend a hand, we would love to have you! Just let us know.
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Last, but not least: Prayer request. My brother Ricky (Eric) has been in the hospital the last couple of days. One problem is blood pressure- I am not sure what all is wrong. He was supposed to be released yesterday, but was kept another night. Pray for his health and healing.
Thank you!

A Day at the Races...

I think the Marx Brothers was a shorter feature.

Alana

Yesterday, I got to attend a trackmeet my grand daughter Alana was in. It was nice to get to spend part of a day with her. I missed her first event, high jump, trying to locate the school. This was in spite of having printed out written directions, and those failing, stopping and asking for directions. Having street signs would go a long way in ending confusion, Tahlequah. Just saying. Alana also did shot put, long jump, and discus.

Shot Put

Long Jump (practice)

Long jump, for real!



Discus throw



Alana didn't win, but we all had a good time!

so, yeah. What difference does it make?

Thank you all for your prayers. Regarding my request from the last post... a decision was made! (Yay!) But too late to make a difference. Perhaps God's shutting a door.
Tonight, I am over wrought. Distraught and upset over a stupid phrase: "In 100 years, what difference will anything make?" (Alt) "In 100 years, what difference will it make?"
Do any of us make such a difference, that in 100 years one would be able to tell?
In 100 years, my beloved Granny would be 200 years old. Gone 101years.
"Who cares?"
Who will care?
In 100 years, does it matter what sort of house we lived in? What we did, or said, or ate?
In a few cases... yes.
In most cases, the correct answer to the question that was thrown cavalierly in my face, "No it won't matter."
So, in the face of whatever we do, or say, however we act today not mattering in 100 years...
How should we then live?
Does God only care about those who come after us?
Do we not matter today, now?
What sort of stupid question is it, "In 100 years, what difference will it make?"
90 years ago, my great grandmother was trying to raise 5 kids after her husband died of pneumonia. Her day to day may not be IMPORTANT to me now... but knowing she did it, matters.
Can we be complete jerks to everyone around us... because in 100 years, what difference will it make?
Or should we be nice and accommodating to those around us? In 100 years, what difference will it make?
100 years from now, my eldest grandchild will be 114. The youngest, just over 100. No one will remember me as a person they knew. They will perhaps only be hoping someone will remember them one day.
Life is short. It is as fragile as butterfly wings.
Should we strive to be happy? or just endure the time we have, because in the long run, it doesn't matter?