Time is just relentless, isn't it?
All the times I have wanted to just stop the clock and enjoy whatever was going on- absorb every detail of the moment- could be outweighed by the times I wanted to hurry time along. "I can hardly wait until______!"
One day when I was 11, my brother Ricky and I were talking in my Granny's kitchen. We were talking about how grown-ups didn't seem to remember every single day that had happened to them with the complete clarity we remembered things. We thought it was weird. At the time, you could of probably asked us minute details about something that had happened to us when we were babies, and we could of told you. It was vividly remembered ... not occasions we had heard adults talking about.
Ricky and I discussed the idea that someday, we too might forget what each day had been like in its own detail. That day, and others since, I deliberately committed a moment in time to my memory. We were living with my Granny and PawPaw in their rental house... 1008 Brown Trail. It was on the Bedford side of the street- Brown Trail being the dividing line between the two suburban towns. Ricky and I were cleaning up the kitchen after supper. The floor was tiled in the black and white checkerboard pattern that was fashionable when the house had been built... the white now aged yellow-beige. The sink didn't look out the window- it shared a wall with the bathroom. It was bracketed by high cabinets on either side. It smelled of hamburger patties, fried potatoes, and ketchup. I stared at the floor and told Ricky I was "saving" this moment to remember... and I do.
I have done this from time to time through the years.
We were right- as people get older, they lose the bright clarity of detail they had as babies. Memories of places and events seem all to run together, or get lost or crowded out. We think differently than we did as children.
Instead of savoring each day, we gulp it down without thought, like a medicine pill.
I have been missing my "star time". I need to go out and just sit under the stars, even if it is only for a few minutes. The vastness of creation above- so unimaginable in magnitude. How many thousands of years since the stars were set into their places? How long have the constellations been named? Their titles passed along from generation to generation sitting below them in the nights.
I remember my Uncle Doug taking me outside of my Great Granny's house in Shawnee, Oklahoma. He was pointing out the various constellations and telling me their names. He and Dad had gone out the kitchen door and around the corner of the house- as I recall, Dad was having a cigarette. (Perhaps I am mistaken about that- but my memory has the scent of cigarette smoke attached to it.) (This was well over 50 years ago!)
I don't remember ever being afraid of the dark. Maybe I was when I was really small. I do remember Dad telling me there was nothing out there in the dark that wasn't there in the day time. Night has always seemed a time of peacefulness.
Today I woke up to face the morning. My body aches, my right arm especially HURTS. I am going to have to see a doctor as soon as we can afford to, about fixing the carpal tunnel. The brace helps- it helps a lot. But there are days like yesterday when I don't even know WHAT I did to make it ache so much- and I know I have to work tonight. Chicken Fried Chicken night- so twice as busy for me!
Yesterday I got only 1.6 miles in on my walk... just over the 3/4 mile mark, the rain started. Tropical Storm Bill has been circling overhead, a steady downpour for hours on end. Even though it was a short walk, it adds to my "conditioning". I am up to 52.6 miles since May 31st. The diet continues- the weight loss is slow and microscopic thus far. (Yesterday, I stepped on the scale to WOW! FIVE POUNDS gone!... and then realized I was seeing the SHADOW of the indicator line... NOT the indicator itself. So I haven't lost five lbs. overnight. Sigh. Reminder to self- it took time to put on, it takes time to come off!)
I am coming up on my 1000th blog post here- this is #997 or so. Trying to think of some sort of 'giveaway' or prize for comments on the 1000th post. Since I generally have all of 14 or so readers... there is a better chance of getting a prize from me than of winning the lottery!
Be blessed. Thanks for reading!