I can Sing

Or I can write. My voice has gone on one of its semi-annual holidays.

Once or twice a year, usually after a bad allergy attack, my voice abandons me. Folks think it is soooo funny. I have heard all the jokes on how happy my kids and husband must be! Really though, I am not a person who yells routinely. I took to heart the adage: "Disciplining children by yelling is like trying to steer a car with the horn".

I have learned from trying to go to work voiceless: I can make myself heard by singing. I guess it uses a different part of the vocals. However, even when my voice is at its best- I am a lousy singer. I can't carry a tune at all. Even my babies were critics. Some mommies can rock their babies and sing to them. My kids would lay a hand over my mouth and say, "No sing Mommy, please. No sing!"

I either have to go hunt down whoever I am looking for, stomp feet or clap hands when I want them to pay attention to what I am trying to croak out- or SING!

Once Benjamin was getting too far ahead of me as we left the grocery store- I was trying hard to get his attention- I don't remember now what I needed him for, but I wasn't able to project enough sound over the store noise: I hauled off and threw my billfold at him. If there is one thing I am worse at than singing, it is throwing things at people. Miraculously, I nailed him. He stopped and came back.

The twins start shrieking when I sing- covering their ears and carrying on as if my voice is killing them... and that's on a good voice day. Today, my cell phone has rang three or four times.... and the guys all just look at me like: "Aren't you going to answer that?" I have to TELL them every time to answer it and explain that I have no voice. So if you call me and I answer singing, you'll know why.