Up, Up, and Away

I got up this morning when Tom called the boys. I wanted to be sure to see them off. Ben and Tommy were up, breakfasted, and had the car loaded before Tom even showered. Then he had to pack, get dressed, potty, and have breakfast.

I held together Ok, just a teeny bit of tears- until they were on the road. Then let lose the waterworks. Good thing for you that I hate to wake people up- I didn't call anyone to boo-hoo on their shoulder.

I had to go 'fill out some forms' at O'Reilly's yesterday. Took under 3 minutes. That was for a background check. They will call today for me to do more paperwork if (when) I pass the check.

I have dishes to wash. Mr Ben the kitchen person stacked them in the sink last night, where they still sit. I need to go to the grocery store. And stop by the post office to mail the broken cookie jar back to West Virginia. (I have located another one- actually the original one I found- in WV. They want $15.50 shipping- which just seems a bit TOO steep. I know it is about $8 for actual postage. But almost $8 MORE for 'handling'? Worth it so it won't arrive in bits?) (I think Becky comes by her cheapskateness honestly.)

I was dreaming this morning that someone gave me a coupon that discounted Girl Scout camp to $49.95. I was anxious to get to go- hoping I would like it better than I liked day camp in elementary school. (I was a Camp Fire Girl... never a Girl Scout). The camp (in my dream) was by a river in upstate New York... not a place I ever considered visiting! I woke up when Tom called the boys to get up... I had been looking for him in the dream to ask him if I could go.

My Mom probably remembers what a fiasco Day Camp was when I went. I was eight or nine years old. I did OK the first day, despite the hateful clique of girls I was assigned to. The second day, I was less than thrilled at going- and the one counselor that had made my first day tolerable was assigned a new group of girls.

The mean girls lit into me. One shoved me down a ditch, and another stomped my ankle. I think I just told my parents I fell and twisted it. Camp was NOT fun if you didn't already have friends. I was never very good at making friends. Mom had to come and get me and take me to the doctor- and I got to limp around on crutches for a week. I don't remember going back to camp after that.

I just wonder why I would have a dream about WANTING to go to camp!

Hmmm. What shall I do today after washing the sinkful of dishes? I have to wait to hear from O'Reilly before I can go fill out paperwork. I was hoping to make just ONE trip out- buying the groceries after filling out the forms. I am OK once I get going somewhere- but getting myself out the door is a challenge most of the time. I just do NOT want to go out and deal with people. I usually talk myself right out of leaving the house. And I know I'm not fit to be around today- dissolving into tears at the drop of a hat.... and even dropping the hat myself.

Mr C called me once they were well on their way- having stopped for gas and snacks, and reached a cruising speed. He knew I was crying, and said "we could have probably told Tommy he couldn't go... and he would have stayed." I said we couldn't DO that- we have to give him the freedom to go and try his wings. Mr C said he knows that- he was just trying to make me feel better. Yep, you have to let them go. But be there for them if they need you.